The Outsider

17 05 2010

So. I moved to Victoria 9 months ago and after much observation, I have come up with some recurring themes about the culture here on the island. These are not judgements, but merely o.b.s.e.r.v.a.t.i.o.n.s. If you’re a local, maybe you’ll get a kick out of this. If you’ve never been to Vancouver Island or have only been here for short visits, this will offer some insight for you about how we roll in Vic City!

a) Flip flops / Sandals – Girls love and live in them and guys sport them regularly. Even when they go out for the night. I can actually count the number of girls on one hand who wear heels, I shit you not. This would not fly in Calgary. Calgary, we go all out, all the time, unless you’re hittin up the Melrose patio in the summer on a SunDAY, you’re wearing stilettos to the bar.

b) Long, straight hair. Maybe some natural waves, but that’s about it. I don’t know if it’s the humidity down here that steers girls away from curling or actually doing their hair, but frick, I curl mine. I curl it a lot. I’m like that girl that wears an underwire, padded Victoria’s Secret bra to the gym when everyone else is wearing a sports bra. Over. The. Top.

c) Lucky (Beer) – Holy fuck they drink that shit like it’s a premium ale. Guys, it’s not! Like they legitimately sell it at the bars here and EVERYONE drinks it. In Calgary, we buy it as a joke. In Victoria, the joke’s on us.

d) Strongbow – This is like the Rev of Victoria. It’s like girls are worried that the stock on the island is going to run out or something. It’s not. You don’t have to order it for every drink you have, every time you go out. You can, but I’m just saying…

e) Driving. I know, I know, Albertans are shitty drivers, ya ya. But at least we get to where we’re going. Victoria drivers like to drive at LEAST 5km under the speed limit, most drive 20km under. Seriously, I could be stoned behind a Victoria driver and still think, man, this is really slow. I swear to God if they drove any slower they would be going backwards. **But at least insurance is cheap here, clearly the reason.

Finally…
f) Pot – on the island, it’s seems to be not necessarily illegal, more just frowned upon.

Those are my observations for today. Let me know you’re thoughts, correct me if I’m wrong or just laugh it up clowns. And have a great day.

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University Life 101

5 05 2010

You know the school year’s coming to an end and your student loan is depleted when:

1) You’d rather walk half an hour home from the bar in stilettos just so you can use your last $10 to get a two-cheeseburger meal from McDonald’s
2) You might have to resort to farting in your gas tank in order to get to school because you can’t afford gas
3) You contemplate selling your printing credits for half of what the university is charging to make some sort of an income
4) You’re forced to eat rice cakes with peanut butter and tuna (sans bread) for every meal
5) You routinely change your fave five every month so you can call people long distance without having to pay for it
6) You put your text books up for sale on Craig’s list even though the semester’s not over and you know you’re going to need them for your final research paper
7) The night before the recycling gets picked up, you start racing the homeless guy down the street to see who can steal more bottles off the neighbour’s lawns who have already put out their bins
8) Suddenly, a part-time job at 711 doesn’t look so bad
9) When your student loan first came through you took having a latte from Starbucks for granted. Now you’re stuck sitting in the library at 12:30am with a mug of stale, luke-warm water, that has evidence of Nabob coffee in it, but is so weak it could just be the cardboard cup you taste.
10) Stress = you want a glass of wine
Wine = something you can’t afford
Something you can’t afford = realization that you’re broke and you have 4 research papers to write
Realization = stress
Stress = you want a glass of wine

Lather.Rinse.Repeat.FML.





Blackhawk Down

27 04 2010

Dear Chicago,

You’re screwed. It has been approximately one year since we last saw you in the playoffs, and we have been patiently waiting to get you back on home ice and seek revenge. While we appreciate the effort that Kane, Sharp, Toews and Hossa have put in, we regret to inform you that their capabilities pale in comparison this playoff season to the Sedins, Samuelsson and Kessler. Our advice to you would be to sleep with ear plugs in. It would be unfortunate to be woken up at 4am on game day to five semi-trucks driving in front of your hotel in Vancouver, honking their horns consistently.

We mean no ill will, we certainly do appreciate the match-up you’re about to give us, and it’s not like we don’t like you. We just LOVE the Canucks a whole lot more. You see, up here in Canada – us girls – might like good hockey hair and think that Sidney Crosby is the hottest thing since Brad Pitt, but we also appreciate a good plus/minus record and goals against average. Ok, so maybe Niemi has made a couple good saves, but OUR goalie isn’t called LuonGOLD for nothing.

So you see, you can go helmets and gloves in an attempt to stop Burrows and you can hope that The Windy City has your back. But when it comes right down to it, The Canucks are going to eat you for breakfast. And as for us fans, we don’t have 8 white towels, 4 car flags, 2 jerseys and 1 dream for nothing…we’re going all the way.

Sincerely,
Team Canucks

Post Script: To wish the Canucks good luck when they’re playing at United Center, FAX your letter to: (312) 455-4683





The Buried Life

27 04 2010

Four of my future best friends from Victoria, BC started a project a few years back called The Buried Life. In a mission to live life to the fullest and help others do the same, they made a list of all the things they want to do before they die, and set out with a video camera in hand to capture it. These rockstars now have their own show on MTV, just finished their first season AND appeared on Oprah. These guys are beyond inspirational and, if you look up the definition of cool in the dictionary, you’ll see a picture of these studs!

http://www.theburiedlife.com/blog/

 Remember: “It’s not the years in your life that count. It’s the life in your years”