The Outsider

17 05 2010

So. I moved to Victoria 9 months ago and after much observation, I have come up with some recurring themes about the culture here on the island. These are not judgements, but merely o.b.s.e.r.v.a.t.i.o.n.s. If you’re a local, maybe you’ll get a kick out of this. If you’ve never been to Vancouver Island or have only been here for short visits, this will offer some insight for you about how we roll in Vic City!

a) Flip flops / Sandals – Girls love and live in them and guys sport them regularly. Even when they go out for the night. I can actually count the number of girls on one hand who wear heels, I shit you not. This would not fly in Calgary. Calgary, we go all out, all the time, unless you’re hittin up the Melrose patio in the summer on a SunDAY, you’re wearing stilettos to the bar.

b) Long, straight hair. Maybe some natural waves, but that’s about it. I don’t know if it’s the humidity down here that steers girls away from curling or actually doing their hair, but frick, I curl mine. I curl it a lot. I’m like that girl that wears an underwire, padded Victoria’s Secret bra to the gym when everyone else is wearing a sports bra. Over. The. Top.

c) Lucky (Beer) – Holy fuck they drink that shit like it’s a premium ale. Guys, it’s not! Like they legitimately sell it at the bars here and EVERYONE drinks it. In Calgary, we buy it as a joke. In Victoria, the joke’s on us.

d) Strongbow – This is like the Rev of Victoria. It’s like girls are worried that the stock on the island is going to run out or something. It’s not. You don’t have to order it for every drink you have, every time you go out. You can, but I’m just saying…

e) Driving. I know, I know, Albertans are shitty drivers, ya ya. But at least we get to where we’re going. Victoria drivers like to drive at LEAST 5km under the speed limit, most drive 20km under. Seriously, I could be stoned behind a Victoria driver and still think, man, this is really slow. I swear to God if they drove any slower they would be going backwards. **But at least insurance is cheap here, clearly the reason.

f) Pot – on the island, it’s seems to be not necessarily illegal, more just frowned upon.

Those are my observations for today. Let me know you’re thoughts, correct me if I’m wrong or just laugh it up clowns. And have a great day.


University Life 101

5 05 2010

You know the school year’s coming to an end and your student loan is depleted when:

1) You’d rather walk half an hour home from the bar in stilettos just so you can use your last $10 to get a two-cheeseburger meal from McDonald’s
2) You might have to resort to farting in your gas tank in order to get to school because you can’t afford gas
3) You contemplate selling your printing credits for half of what the university is charging to make some sort of an income
4) You’re forced to eat rice cakes with peanut butter and tuna (sans bread) for every meal
5) You routinely change your fave five every month so you can call people long distance without having to pay for it
6) You put your text books up for sale on Craig’s list even though the semester’s not over and you know you’re going to need them for your final research paper
7) The night before the recycling gets picked up, you start racing the homeless guy down the street to see who can steal more bottles off the neighbour’s lawns who have already put out their bins
8) Suddenly, a part-time job at 711 doesn’t look so bad
9) When your student loan first came through you took having a latte from Starbucks for granted. Now you’re stuck sitting in the library at 12:30am with a mug of stale, luke-warm water, that has evidence of Nabob coffee in it, but is so weak it could just be the cardboard cup you taste.
10) Stress = you want a glass of wine
Wine = something you can’t afford
Something you can’t afford = realization that you’re broke and you have 4 research papers to write
Realization = stress
Stress = you want a glass of wine


The Drive By (not the shooting kind)

30 04 2010

I know, I know. Drive-bys are creepy and not cool, and yes, I am guilty of having done one or 10, but if you find a girl who hasn’t, let me know because I would love to shake hands with Miss I’m Not Curious Willpower herself. So what is the purpose of a drive-by? Duh…to see if the dude your seeing or like has his car parked out front of his house. Ok, so then what? Hmmmm, good question.

So you already know that I routinely only heard from KK after 11pm. So what would I do between 9-11 when I was waiting for him to call or text. Well I would do drive-bys of course. Sometime’s the ‘sclade was there and I would just turn around, go home and wait to hear from him. When the ‘sclade wasn’t there, I would sometimes text him to see what he was doing. And if on the odd occasion he answered me, he usually said he was “at home”. HA HA. GOT YA! No you weren’t you lying greaseball. I just drove by your house like a wild animal stalking its prey and your car was not there. Idiot.

Ok, so now I’m -2 for cool points. Lost a point for doing drive-bys in the first place, and lost another point for not deleting him from my phone and my life! You can learn from my mistakes or you can experience them yourself. I don’t condone drive-bys, but I’m not necessarily opposed to them either. Sometimes you have to experience things for yourself no matter what anyone tells you.

The Not So “Cool” Guys

30 04 2010

Before we go any further, I feel as though I should define cool. According to the Merriam-Webster Dictionary, cool is:  slang a : very good : excellent; also : all right b : fashionable, hip. This is the context I will be using the term “cool” in; however, I will be relating it to life and experiences. Example: winning 20 mill in a lottery is awesome. But donating a couple million of that to breast cancer research, KidsSport, or whatever charity you feel passionate about helping…is COOL.

As I mentioned in my first post, I truly believe voting is cool. I think being a Big Brother or Sister is cool, and thus, with you’re help I think we can totally start new trends within our millennial generation that are not only cool, but change the world and people’s lives for the greater good.

In contrast to what is cool though, we obviously have to look at the other side of what is not cool – and out of this, we can learn, laugh and share stories about people, places and things that are simply SANS COOL. To begin, let’s go back to the year 2003 when I met KK…

Oh KK. Tall, blonde, hockey hair flow, tanned, drove an escalade, had money and a career playing hockey. Doooooooshbag. I liked him. I liked him a lot. Why you ask? Ummmm I think it was because he brought me back like 10 items from Bath & Body Works in the States just after we met. And if you know me, you’ll know how obsessed I am with Warm Vanilla Sugar, Black Raspberry Vanilla, Mango Mandarin and Coconut Lime Verbena. The secret into my heart (or one of many). COOL POINT +1 for KK.

We met at a golf tournament and immediately hit it off and started talking, texting, you know. After Bath & Body Works however, things fall to shit.

Here’s Your Sign (that he’s not so cool) #1:
When a guy calls or texts you ONLY after 11pm

This isn’t the end of the KK saga, but merely the beginning of a lot of signs that I just chose to ignore. Put this sign in your mouth for a minute. Swish it around, see how it tastes. If it tastes familiar, chances are the dude’s not cool. Unless he’s calling you from Croatia and it’s 8am his time and he has just gotten up to make his great Grandma pancakes, walk her dog, bathe her and then crochet a sweater. But I doubt it.

Enjoy the sun today. 14 and sunny in Victoria, BC.! We’ll re-convene later.


Blackhawk Down

27 04 2010

Dear Chicago,

You’re screwed. It has been approximately one year since we last saw you in the playoffs, and we have been patiently waiting to get you back on home ice and seek revenge. While we appreciate the effort that Kane, Sharp, Toews and Hossa have put in, we regret to inform you that their capabilities pale in comparison this playoff season to the Sedins, Samuelsson and Kessler. Our advice to you would be to sleep with ear plugs in. It would be unfortunate to be woken up at 4am on game day to five semi-trucks driving in front of your hotel in Vancouver, honking their horns consistently.

We mean no ill will, we certainly do appreciate the match-up you’re about to give us, and it’s not like we don’t like you. We just LOVE the Canucks a whole lot more. You see, up here in Canada – us girls – might like good hockey hair and think that Sidney Crosby is the hottest thing since Brad Pitt, but we also appreciate a good plus/minus record and goals against average. Ok, so maybe Niemi has made a couple good saves, but OUR goalie isn’t called LuonGOLD for nothing.

So you see, you can go helmets and gloves in an attempt to stop Burrows and you can hope that The Windy City has your back. But when it comes right down to it, The Canucks are going to eat you for breakfast. And as for us fans, we don’t have 8 white towels, 4 car flags, 2 jerseys and 1 dream for nothing…we’re going all the way.

Team Canucks

Post Script: To wish the Canucks good luck when they’re playing at United Center, FAX your letter to: (312) 455-4683

The Buried Life

27 04 2010

Four of my future best friends from Victoria, BC started a project a few years back called The Buried Life. In a mission to live life to the fullest and help others do the same, they made a list of all the things they want to do before they die, and set out with a video camera in hand to capture it. These rockstars now have their own show on MTV, just finished their first season AND appeared on Oprah. These guys are beyond inspirational and, if you look up the definition of cool in the dictionary, you’ll see a picture of these studs!

 Remember: “It’s not the years in your life that count. It’s the life in your years”

Hello World!

20 04 2010

Stereotypes are like a rash. They’re annoying, pointless and ugly. I have been a victim of stereotyping, but who hasn’t. I’m blonde, kinda cute (in my opinion), I believe in owning premium jeans, I heart shoes and yes, I enjoy good wine. BUT, I also live in sweatpants, think going sans makeup is cool, looooove flip flops and can shotgun a beer just as fast as any guy…well almost. Point being, labels are for soup cans. What you used to think was cool or what you used to be too cool for doesn’t matter anymore. Leave judging people to the courts, and just…be.

I don’t wear hemp clothing and I’m not a vegan, but I do think mandatory recycling is one of the coolest things since sliced bread.
I don’t know much about politics and I don’t really have the desire to read up about it, but I do believe that voting is cool and everyone who can should exercise their right to do so.

I think a lot of people go through a phase or phases in life where they are too cool for a lot of things. Too cool to hang out with their parents, they think volunteering is lame…and I probably went through that phase at one point or another too. But as you get older, you start to realize that all the things you labeled as “geeky” before, are actually quite friggin cool.

So what are you waiting for? Recycle your empty tampon box instead of throwing it in the garbage, go help an old lady carry her 26 to her car, and join me as I set out to be active when it comes to issues that affect our millennial generation…because finding something you give a shit about and wanting to make a difference, is cool.